Someone had to watch it, so it may as well have been me.

 

Okay – firstly, I can not be completely objective when I talk about something concerning The Hanson Brothers.  I had a personal and business relationship with them that goes back a number of years and did not end well.  Let me start at the beginning.

 

I first met the Hansons at breakfast in a Toronto hotel in the mid-1990’s.  When I first walked in, I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen.  I mean – here were the Hanson Brothers – eating breakfast.  These guys were my heroes and two of them looked exactly the same as they did in the movie.  I was in my mid-20’s and was hanging out with the stars of Slap Shot.  How cool was that?

I met the boys through their manager.  I had been quoted in an article in The Hockey News as saying that one of my best selling products was a photo signed by The Hanson Brothers.  Their manager called me directly and asked if I wanted to do some business.  Shortly thereafter, I was part of the Hanson Brothers enterprise.  I developed a line of merchandise, including Chiefs jerseys and caps, t-shirts, pucks, pins, etc.  I started promoting them in my catalog and booking appearances on their behalf.  The guys were a lot of fun.  They were fabulous entertainers, great with people, and had no trace of ego.  They also opened a lot of doors for myself and Frozen Pond.

 

The Buffalo Sabres booked them for an appearance and Lindy Ruff asked if they could come into the dressing room and give a pre-game pep talk.  The Hansons had all the players sitting in a semi-circle on the floor and told them the other team “called them names” and the only way to retaliate was by playing “old time hockey”.  Pat LaFontaine asked if he could get his picture taken with them, then gave me his address where to send it.  That’s where Pat and I became friends.  Similar occurrences happened in a number of other cities, as just about everyone wanted a piece of The Hanson Brothers.  Budweiser stepped up to the plate and made them spokesmen for their new Bud Ice beer, and the Hanson phenomena was in full swing.

 

There was a big problem though.  Their manager was a con man.  He didn’t pay his bills, didn’t pay the Hansons, and didn’t pay me.  He booked the Hansons to appear at his brother-in-laws’ restaurant, and they no-showed.  He was a Canadian who lived and worked illegally in the U.S., and eventually the Brothers decided they had had enough.  Steve Carlson (#17) asked me to be their agent. 

 

I told Steve I did not have the time nor the ability to give the fiduciary responsibility of an agent, but I would continue to do bookings on their behalf.  This went on for a number of years, and I never once took a commission on my end.  Whatever appearance fee was arranged was divided by three and each guy was given a check.  We did make money selling merchandise at events, and I also did very well selling Hanson Brother autographs, which I purchased from them on a regular basis.

 

The Hansons though, were far from easy to work with.  Dave Hanson (#16) was an extremely difficult individual.  He would matter-of-factly cancel appearances the day before he was set to appear.  I would plead with him that these promoters had paid long before and had been advertising their appearance for months, but Dave would just tell me that I can’t tell him what to do and he would not show up.  The promoter would be on the hook for his flight as well.  This got to be so routine that I just started booking two of the three Hansons to appear, and would suggest that the team have a promotion whereas a lucky fan would win the right to be the third Hanson Brother and perform on ice with them.  I mean – if you were only able to book Moe and Curly for an appearance during the Stooges heyday, would anyone really care if Larry was unable to attend?  Eventually Dave Hanson promised to behave and I started booking all three players again.

 

But they were still troublesome to work with.  I used to say that “You guys are responsible for 2% of my revenue and 98% of my grief.”  Soon – Steve Carlson asked if he could borrow money to start a new life in Wisconsin.  I even went to his wedding party.  But these nuptials were the beginning of the end of my relationship with the Hansons.  Steve’s wife thought of herself as an intellectual when there couldn’t be anything further from the truth.  Eventually, when Steve talked to me, I noticed the tone in his voice was very different; a lot more abrupt and not nearly as friendly.  After all, Steve had been my buddy for a number of years now.  I would ask him what was wrong and he would always reply that nothing was.  I would ask him if he noticed a deterioration in our relationship and he would respond he did not.

 

Eventually, my phone calls stopped getting returned and I learned that Steve’s wife had now taken over their management.  There was no discussion, no “thanks for your efforts”, and no goodbyes.  Just unreturned phone calls from all three Hansons.  Talk about professional.

 

A short time later, I was told that the Hansons had put up their own website to promote appearances and sell merchandise.  On the FAQ section of the site was a supposed quote from a website that did not even exist, stating that they had never signed autographs before and everything circulating on the aftermarket was fake.  I called and Steve’s wife (finally) picked up the phone.  After I berated her to the point of tears, she passed the phone off to Steve.  I questioned how he could take tens of thousands of autograph dollars from me over a number of years, and then state publically he had never signed autographs.  I had hundreds of pictures from dozens of locations of the Hansons doing just that.

 

Believe it or not, Steve’s response was that he had just read a news story on Operation Bullpen which stated findings from the FBI that up to 90% of autographs circulating the sports collectibles marketplace were fake.  He then concluded that meant 90% of his autographs that I sold were fake too.  Yes – because of this report, largely based on the sale of vintage Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle autographs and with no mention of hockey whatsoever, Steve Carlson was accusing me of selling fake Hanson Brothers autographs.  I almost got a pain in my side from laughing so hard.  My Gordie Howe and Wayne Gretzky and Patrick Roy autographs were legitimate, but I was forging Steve Carlson signatures???  The funny thing is that I bought autographs from them every time I saw them, whether I needed stock or not.  They were a good investment (at the time), they didn’t cost a lot, and at least two of the three really needed the money.  I was sure treated fairly in exchange, wasn’t I?

 

The Hansons did not just burn a bridge with me though.  They also disrespected their biggest fans and supporters.  Steve’s wife once ordered me to stop selling merchandise to a Hanson Brothers fan site just because “there’s something about him I don’t like.”  Another fan site and their biggest supporter were told not to make any further contact because of an unsolicited quote posted on the site’s chat room, one that was quickly removed.  Under the guidance of Steve Carlson’s wife, the Hanson Brothers had alienated everyone that had supported them over the previous decade.  It seemed no one was allowed to be part of the Hanson Brothers promotion team, except for them.  That attitude continues to this day.

 

I still receive emails asking why Steve’s wife won’t return phone calls or emails from people looking to book them for an appearance.  Does this sound like the actions of an intelligent person?  Is making money now a bad thing?

 

Yet, they continue to lie.  In interviews, Steve Carlson greatly exaggerates the number of appearance requests they receive annually, in fact giving two entirely different numbers in interviews printed only weeks apart.  Recently, the We’re on the Road section of their website had an upcoming appearance listed for April/2008.  Does that sound like someone that gets 285-385 appearance requests per year?  To put things into perspective, we were doing 25-30 appearances a year during their heyday, so the numbers they are throwing around now are truly fictional.  Dave Hanson has just released an autobiography and is on a book tour and I honestly hope it does very well.  Apparently he no longer is being represented by Steve’s wife and must be booked on his own for any potential appearance.  But good luck getting autographs from them, as they don’t sign in quantity and there have been few available in the marketplace for a number of years.  Who exactly are they hurting with this attitude?  They had a good thing going for a number of years; I wonder what made them change their attitude (to their own detriment) so radically.  Their following is way down, as is their income, and they have turned their biggest fans into sworn enemies.

 

Oh – and I never did receive that money back from Steve Carlson.  When I asked about it in that last phone call, I was hung up on.

 

——————————————————-

 

Which brings us to the review for Slap Shot 3 – The Junior League.  The key here is the word “Junior”.  This is nothing more than a kid’s movie, trying to capitalize on the name Slap Shot and The Hanson Brothers, as well as guest starts Doug Gilmour and Mark Messier.  It played like a ninety-minute version of Saved by the Bell, complete with a weak plot, poor dialogue, tons of loose ends, an obvious conclusion, and some horrible acting.  The first hour almost put me to sleep.  I was not inspired, I felt no association with the characters, and except for one scene, I did not so much as chuckle.  The Hansons are starting to look old as well. 

 

The championship game had literally every classic line and scene from the original movie worked into it, with obvious results.  How many times do we need to see a member of the Chiefs skate by the visiting bench with his stick out, and how obvious was it that they were going to refrain and then get back to playing “Old Time Hockey”?  If other sequels could take the basic premise and continue to be successful, why could this one not?  They even stole from another movie, with the winning goal coming on a completely “Youngblood-esque” penalty shot.  I give it two thumbs down, zero stars out of four, and as rotten a tomato as I can possibly give.

 

But the movie was not meant for me, it is meant for children.  And I’m not objective anyways, so who cares what I have to say?

Tags: Hanson Brothers, Slap Shot

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