We arrived at the 20^th Century Fox Studio lot shortly before 9:30 a.m.  Myself, my friend Jack, and my nephews Max and Eric.  Thursday, July 16^th was a day we had been waiting for.  We were going to meet The Simpsons.

I had won a charity auction in May.  The philanthropic Hank Azaria had donated the opportunity to sit in on a Simpsons script reading and then go for lunch with himself and Yeardley Smith.  There was no way I was going to miss this chance and my winning bid was much less than I was willing to pay.

But now the day had arrived.  The Fox lot is so large it has its own streets and you are given a map upon entering.  We parked in our pre-assigned space and were met by a production assistant who gave us a quick tour of the facility.  We saw the exterior sets for House, Bones, and How I Met Your Mother.  The same sets were used as far back as Hello Dolly and more recently, NYPD Blue.  But we didn’t really care about this stuff; we wanted to meet Homer.

A short time later we were taken into a room with a long, thin wooden table surrounded by chairs.  More chairs lined the walls and were two deep in places.  This is the same room where all but one of the 458 table reads had taken place since The Simpsons premiered in December/1989.  

We were each given a copy of that day’s script, titled The Bob Next Door, and told to feel free to meet the cast and get autographs.  For the first time in modern history, I turned into an autograph hound.  It felt like Exhibition Stadium in 1983 and I was waiting in the parking lot for Damaso Garcia and Jim Gott to sign my cards.  But this was much more important, and much more satisfying.

 

I went up to Julie Kavner (Marge) and had to explain to her that my name is not short for “Herschel”, which happens to be Krusty the Clown’s first name.  I told Nancy Cartwright (Bart) how I had front row tickets for the Toronto appearance of her one-woman show.  I heard someone talking in a Milhouse voice and went up and introduced myself to Pamela Hayden.  And then, it happened.

 

My nephew Eric was reaching for a muffin at the catered affair when I leaned over and whispered to him, “Look to your left”.  There he was, in a strange blue hat.  It was Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer.  I told him he had brought us years of enjoyment and it was a thrill to meet him.  I can’t believe how geeky that sounds.  I have seen so many people unnecessarily fawn and gush over hockey players; it was strange to be on the other side of the table for once.  I even got him to do a “D-oh” for me.

Hank Azaria eventually arrived and greeted me with “I hear you’re my guy.”  Indeed I was, and I told him I was looking forward to our meal.

 

The script read was organized and quick.  You would think they had done this before.  All the producers, writers, cast members, and production assistants were present.  Everyone knew their cues and read their lines in character.  It was hilarious to see and an honor to be a part of.  We happened to luck into a Sideshow Bob episode.  Paul Reiser and his family were in attendance, viewing the reading just as we were.  Yeardley Smith had an audition and was not present.  Kelsey Grammar’s lines were read by a sound-alike.  The purpose of this undertaking is for the writers to hear their dialogue read aloud to see if the story worked and if jokes were funny.  They were then to gather and make necessary changes to the script.  Azaria told me that a bad read would result in a 50% rewrite, but this one would probably only have about 20% changed.  We thought it was great as is.   

At the conclusion of the read, I finished getting my script signed.  Creator Matt Groening sketched a Homer caricature along with his signature and told me that all the characters with big eyes were his creations, while most others were conceived by other animators.  Harry Shearer scribbled a quick signature and Tress MacNeille happily added a “Vocally yours” inscription.

Lunch with Azaria was nothing short of amazing.  He offered to take us to a real restaurant, but I was happy settling for “Moe’s Café” on the studio lot.  The guy is down to earth and cool and has enough stories to keep you occupied for months.  He is also one of the funniest people on the planet.  I told him that when you’re born with the initials “HA” you kind of have to be funny, and the four-time Emmy winner said it was a lot of pressure to be under.  Azaria was born in Queens in 1964 and is currently competing with the Red Sox’ Kevin Youkilis for the title of the world’s most famous Greek Jew.

His life-altering career opportunity happened by chance.  Another voice actor had recorded the voice of Moe the Bartender in several previous episodes, but the producers were unhappy with the results.  Someone remembered Azaria from an obscure audition and he was given the opportunity to read for the role.  Groening loved him so much he took him directly into the studio and had him record the lines right then.  Azaria said he was literally given $400 on the spot, but did not know if he would ever be needed again.    Twenty-one years later, he is still at it.

 

Recording episodes has become so easy for these guys that an average work week is no more than six-hours long.  Azaria didn’t even look at his script until earlier that morning, but had his parts mastered almost instantaneously.  The read through took less than half an hour and schmoozing took another twenty minutes.  On Mondays, they record as a group from 10:00 a.m. – 2:00 p.m.  Occasionally, Hank is asked to come back and re-record a line, but that takes no longer than a few minutes.  He has even recorded his lines (through an ISDN line) while filming a movie or vacationing in Europe.  It is that easy.  Azaria now voices over twenty different characters, including Apu, Chief Wiggum, Dr. Nick, Professor Frink, Disco Stu, and Comic Book Guy.

 

The key voice actors started out making roughly $25,000 an episode, but that soon increased (via two actor’s strikes – well described in a 2007 Vanity Fair article) to $120,000, $350,000 (est.), and now almost $500,000 an episode.  I asked Hank if this cast were the best hourly paid employees in the business and he said they just might be.  He very humbly said it took about ten years for them to start making serious money, but they have been making “obscene” money for the past five.  He mentioned that the salaries are a little misleading, as they include syndication royalties and other revenue streams.  He says the studio likes to announce the higher (misleading) salary numbers in order to gain support should the actors choose to go on strike again. 

 

The short work week has afforded him the ability to simultaneously undertake multiple projects, allowing him the opportunity for recurring characters on Mad About You and Friends, as well as starring roles on Herman’s Head and Huff.  His movie resume isn’t too shabby either – Tuesdays With Morrie, Dodgeball, Along Came Polly, The Birdcage, Night at the Museum, and dozens of others.  I mentioned Mystery, Alaska, and he apologized for it (it was a bust at the box office), even though I told him it was a hockey movie and I had no choice but to love it.  He was surprised by my commendation.

 

Azaria said his favorite episode was probably the takeoff on Cape Fear and the most memorable character he has voiced would be Frank Grimes.  Surprisingly, Azaria is not the Simpsons aficionado you would think he would be.  Because he does not have to memorize his lines, they do not stick in his memory.  He also does not usually watch new episodes until 2-3 years later, when he has no recollection at all of the storyline.  He said he enjoys them better that way.

 

While most celebrity guest stars do not record with the cast, some have, and Azaria counts Aerosmith, Johnny Carson, Mick Jagger, and Elvis Costello amongst the most memorable.   I would imagine that doing an episode with then-wife Helen Hunt would have to register as well.  He said Bruce Springsteen once reneged on an appearance, and they tried to get Arnold Schwarzenegger so many times that they finally relented and gave Shearer the character of McBain.  Hank also enjoyed meeting Steve Sax and a number of the other baseball players in the classic “Homer at the Bat” episode.

 

Michael Jackson’s uncredited appearance in Season Three made for a great story.  His table read was the only one to take place offsite, with Jackson insisting it be done at his manager’s house.  Azaria said he was friendly but quiet, and didn’t interact much with the others.  Most surprisingly, Jackson had a sound-alike in his entourage, and the singing done in the episode (Lisa it’s your birthday, Ben, Billie Jean) was actually this other guy.  Michael Jackson is a singer, but he had someone sing for him while he did the voice work.  Azaria said Jackson was never known for doing things normally, so this should not be surprising.    

Azaria had his first child, Hal, in early June.  He was born nine weeks premature and Hank has been “living at the hospital” for most of the past seven weeks.  There was a good chance Hal would be able to come home this week.  It was nice seeing this side of  Azaria.  He talked about going out with Hunt for eight years, but it all falling apart after only one year of marriage.  He is very dedicated to “Determined to Succeed”, the charity he co-founded to provide educational support to low-income, inner city youth.  He collects Simpsons animation art of characters he voices, plays in a weekly poker game ($5/$10 no-limit) with other Hollywood celebrities, and is a huge Mets, Jets, and Knicks fan, with Walt Frazier being his childhood idol.

 

Unfortunately, he is not much of a hockey fan, and that is problematic for me.  I spoke to Hank at length about my desire to be on an episode of the show.  This has been the number one item on my “Bucket List” for a number of years.  He wouldn’t say no, but he did say the chances were remote.  He told me how Hayden Christenson approached him a number of years ago about wanting to be on the show, and Hank arranged a trade with him for a small part in Star Wars.  When Azaria first approached the writers, they had no desire to write a part for Christenson, saying the most recent Star Wars movie had “sucked”.  But he finally talked them into it and called Christenson with the news.  He has not heard back from him to this day.  He was stiffed by the man that would become Darth Vader.

 

I reasoned with Hank that I’m no Anakin Skywalker, but maybe I could introduce him to the athlete of his choice.  Heck – what do you give the guy that makes a half-million dollars an episode?  Hank said to leave it with him, but pointed out that he’s repeatedly asked the artists to create an animated version of himself, and he can’t even make that happen.  Hmmmm – maybe I should be trying to befriend the writers.   

Ninety-minutes after we sat down for lunch, it was all over.  Hank had been very generous with his time, but he had to get to the hospital.  He recorded a voicemail for my cell phone, gave me his own script from the reading, showed us to the studio gift shop, and off he went.  It was an amazing experience, one I will never forget.  Working with celebrities has been my profession for a number of years, but for a few hours I got to be a fan.  I had forgotten how enjoyable it can be.

Through my twenties and into my early-thirties, I would spend Sunday nights at my sister’s house watching “The Simpsons” with my two nephews.  This became a ritual I truly enjoyed and rarely missed.  As a result, I have always maintained a close bond and special relationship with Max and Eric and we have Homer, Bart, et al, to thank for it.

 

We went to the World Premiere of the Simpsons “Toronto” episode together.  We went to see Nancy Cartwright (the voice of Bart) perform her one-woman show.  We went to The Simpsons Movie on opening night.  We’ve been to multiple Simpsons animation art shows.

 

We also buy each other Simpson gifts with regularity.  The kids brought me back a hand-made Homer puppet from Italy this past Christmas, and I have “gummy” Simpsons from Mexico.  I own several bottles of “Duff” beer, a can of “Flaming Moe”, and an actual “Squishee” machine.  Needless to say, my collection of Simpsons merchandise is quite extensive.

 

 

The City of Glendale (Arizona) is trying to prevent the Phoenix Coyotes from moving to Hamilton by claiming to the court that such an action would cost the city in excess of $500 million, consisting of lost jobs, tourism dollars, and embarrassment to the local economy.  I don’t think the city councilors are seeing the big picture here.  Would they rather the team went bankrupt?  All the same things would happen in that scenario.  Does it not make sense to sell the team and at least recoup some of the money owed to creditors, most of which are likely Phoenix-based?

 

In a perfect world, the Coyotes would be sold for $200+ million to an entrepreneur that intends to keep the team in town, but this is not going to happen.  The team is bleeding $30-$40 million a year and no rational individual will willingly sustain those kinds of losses.  Instead of crying to the courts, why do the cities of Glendale and Phoenix not do everything possible to try and sell more season tickets or whatever is necessary to make the team more attractive to its residents?  If none of the locals care about the franchise, than why are they attempting to save it, and why should anyone care?

I believe Muhammad Ali’s last public autograph appearance was at the 2003 National Sports Collectors Convention in Chicago.  My friends at Steiner Sports were running the autograph area and told me I could get a personalized 16X20 photo and my picture with “The Greatest” for the sum of $400.  It wasn’t the money that scared me off, but the fact that the lineup at the time was at least an hour long and I did not have the patience to wait.  So I bypassed the opportunity.

 

Fast forward to the present day, and Ali autographs have almost completely dried up.  We are talking about a guy that signed a TON of autographs over the years and was a steady seller for us until around 2007.  I always had Ali product in stock and we were sure to bring at least one item to each charity auction in which we participated.  Then the prices started going up - considerably.  A framed Ali photo that once sold for $999 was now retailing for double that.  Boxing gloves and robes disappeared entirely.  Charities were getting upset because we were no longer able to provide their most profitable raffle items.  I was under the impression Ali was still participating in at least one private autograph session per year, but I now believe these events have ceased as well.

 

We recently had a customer inquire about an Ali autograph, so I went looking to see what I could find.  The cheapest signature available to me was $1,800 U.S. and went up to $4,000 U.S. for a signed punching bag.  These prices were wholesale.  I know Ali’s battle with Parkinson’s disease has had an effect on “The Champ’s” ability to pen his signature, but I would be curious to know if his autographing has stopped altogether.  At $2,000-$4,000 per signature, Ali would easily be the most expensive living autograph.

 

More than anything, I’m really angry at myself for not standing in line for an hour back in 2003.

 

Do people still say that defense wins games?

 

Last year, the Toronto Blue Jays had the best pitching staff in the baseball and finished in the middle of the standings.  Until mid-May of this season, their offense was the best in baseball, their pitching staff was being held together by threads, and they were first in the American League.

 

The Minnesota Wild had the second-best defense in the NHL this season and finished 19^th overall.  I think it’s time to change the old adage – defense keeps you in games, but you can’t win without scoring.

 

There are a lot of fans that think HOF broadcaster, Bob Cole, should have retired a number of years ago and I am starting to join the masses.

 

After Detroit clinched their Quarter Final series versus Anaheim, Cole said they “would be on their way to the Western Conference Final against the winner of the game between Boston and Carolina.”  Uh – Bob.  The last time I checked, both Boston and Carolina played in the Eastern Conference.  Maybe a map of the U.S. would come in handy.

How come Detroit and Chicago haven’t worn their Winter Classic jerseys for any of the playoff games?  Oh yeah – they were sold off and in the hands of collectors within seconds of the conclusion of the January 1^st game.

All Toronto fans of my generation are shocked and saddened by the loss of Peter Zezel.  It seems like the fan-favorite played 8-10 years for the Leafs, but it’s surprising to learn he only skated in 204 games over 3 seasons.  He visited Frozen Pond as a customer on a couple of occasions and now I’m kicking myself for never bringing him in as a guest.  44 is much too young an age for an admired athlete to leave us.

In case you were wondering, these were the best-selling NBA jerseys over the past season:

 

1. Kobe Bryant

2. Lebron James

3. Chris Paul

4. Kevin Garnett

5. Allen Iverson

6. Dwyane Wade

7. Paul Pierce

8. Nate Robinson

9. Pau Gasol

10. Ray Allen

 

Allen Iverson and Nate Robinson?  I realize there’s the whole regional thing to take into account, but does Dwight Howard not play in the NBA.  Tim Duncan?  Yao Ming?  Tony Parker?  Dirk Nowitzki?  When I think of a Top Ten list, Nate Robinson is not a name that comes to mind.

My boy Marc-Andre Fleury goes for Lord Stanley’s hardware once again.  I am off to Detroit (probably) and Pittsburgh and will give you a report upon my return.  I will also have a follow up on Coach’s Corner and Sports Collectors Digest, which will definitely make for an interesting read.

 

Some follow-up on a couple of recent industry happenings…

 

Mastro Auctions has ceased operations.

 

Imagine Christie’s (or Sotheby’s) auction house shutting down one day and announcing it was going to reopen under a different name.  What about all the goodwill behind the name and all the past business associated with their brand?  Has this all now become worthless?

This is what it seems has happened to Mastro Auctions.  Three of its principles have taken possession of Mastro’s assets and will be reopening under the pedestrian name of Legendary Auctions.

 

While the press release spun this changeover as an evolvement for the betterment of the company, that mistruth is far from reality.  The fact is that the sports memorabilia industry’s largest auction house is still at the center of an FBI investigation into shill bidding, card doctoring, and other allegations of fraud that have damaged the company’s image, obviously beyond repair.  While the company was recently quoted as saying they will continue to generate $50 million in annual sales, industry sources have reported the company had crippling credit line and cash flow problems.  Consignors have complained they have not been paid for items sold at auction several months ago, and one can only guess how many lawsuits the company is facing from deceived past bidders.

 

Imagine placing a $10,000 ceiling bid on an item and winning it for $9,500, only to later find out that next legitimate high bid was $1,500 and it was company employees themselves that bid it up in order to generate higher profits.  It would be extremely difficult to prove such an allegation, but this is obviously what the FBI is investigating.  How can a company that charges a 20% buyer’s premium on $10 million auctions, and sells their own items at considerable mark-up, be having such serious cash flow problems?

 

I have written this before but it bears repeating.  Do not think this is an isolated case of an auction house bidding up its own items.  I have spoken to several past and current employees of the larger auction houses in the industry, and apparently this kind of activity is prevalent.  Always keep in mind when bidding in such an auction that you may, in fact, be bidding against yourself.  The exception to the rule is auction platforms such as eBay or NHL.com, where the sellers have no access to the proprietary software and do not know what is going on behind the scenes (they do not know how much a customer has bid over and above the current amount).  Whenever a company uses their own auction software, they have full knowledge of all bids placed and have the ability to manipulate the end results.

 

Pocklington Arrested

I chuckled when I heard that former Edmonton Oilers owner, Peter Pocklington, was arrested last Wednesday on allegations he concealed assets during bankruptcy proceedings.  He is accused of making false statements in bankruptcy and making false oaths and accounts in bankruptcy. If convicted, he could face up to 10 years in federal prison.

Pocklington filed for personal bankruptcy last year. He is accused of failing to disclose to a bankruptcy court two bank accounts as well as the contents of two storage units. He claimed to have debts of nearly $20 million and assets of only about $2,900. To partially satisfy a court judgment, Pocklington gave a creditor a piece of art, a rug and desk that were collectively worth about $80,000 and located in one of his storage units, court documents said. 

I have not seen this reported, so I thought I would share the information.  Brad Sullivan, who played Mo Wanchuk in the movie “Slap Shot”, passed away on New Year’s eve at the age of 77.

What made Sullivan’s portrayal of the foul-mouthed Wanchuk all the more ironic is the fact that he was an unwavering Christian and hated the character he was playing.  Hopefully he is relaxing at a Palm Isle on a nearby cloud.

It was just pointed out to me that Colorado goaltender, Peter Budaj, has a drawing of Ned Flanders on the back of his mask.  Budaj is apparently a devout Christian and the team trainer gave him the nickname “Flanders”.  If you look closely, you can see that Flanders is waving the Slovakian flag.

 

International Medical Corps recently held a charity auction where a celebrity would record your outgoing voicemail message on your behalf.  The message would be recorded within six months and could be up to one-minute long.  You would not get to speak to the celebrity directly, but you could make suggestions as to what they could say.

 

Here are some of the prices realized:

 

Chris Rock - $1,005

Borat - $777

Brooke Shields - $551

Elizabeth Banks - $542

Jennifer Garner - $453

Deion Sanders - $132

Marshall Faulk - $53

The reason I was paying attention to this auction is because another celebrity being auctioned was Hank Azaria, the voice of Chief Wiggum, Apu, and dozens of other Simpson’s characters.  I was, of course, the underbidder for the lot which closed at $259.  How cool would it have been to have Moe or Comic Book Guy recording my voicemail?  “Worst Answering Machine Ever”.  Or Dr. Nick Riviera – “Hiiiii Every-body.  You’ve reached Hersh.”

 

Letters to the Editor.  When I get a chance, I am going to try and answer a question or two that we have received from an interested collector.

                       ——————————————————————-

Do players appreciate the hobby and enjoy signing autographs or do many consider it somewhat of a chore?

 

This is a bit of a loaded question.  Some players truly appreciate their fans and go out of their way to meet them and sign autographs.  Fan popularity can only lead to good things down the road, such as endorsement deals and contract offers, hence it is in the players’ best interests to meet as many admirers as possible and make sure they go away with a positive experience.

 

Other players only do autograph sessions because they are contractually obligated to do so, or their agents are advising it.  We have had players signing that make it very obvious they do not want to be there.  Luckily these occurrences are the exception rather than the norm.

 

What both examples have in common is money.  It is never considered a chore when they are being paid.  While many players do free appearances for charity, it is doubtful they would be doing any hobby signings were it not for the almighty greenback.  Time is money, and if they are going to be on the clock, someone will have to pay for it.

 

 

Do you think that lasting fame changes a player’s attitude? 

Yes – definitely.  The first player that told me fame would not change him has probably changed more than any player I know (he will remain nameless).  When a player is a rookie, he appreciates the limelight and the attention being thrust upon him.  He is fan friendly, eager to please, and knows his time in the spotlight may be short-lived.

 

Success and money change people though.  Soon these players have precious little free time and have enough money to be able to do whatever they want.  They no longer have the desire to please everyone, nor to do the little things that used to be such a big part of their existence.  So the niceties and pleasantness that existed earlier in their careers are now a thing of the past.

 

Not all players are like this.  There are some that are still amazing with their fans and receive a lot of press for it.  Mike Modano, Jeremy Roenick, Joe Thornton, Vinnie Lecavalier, and Martin Brodeur are some of the nicest guys you will ever meet.  This does not mean they will stand and sign autographs for hours each day, but they definitely have not forgotten where they came from.